be wary of the victim story

After you've been through the tough conversations you have a choice about what story you tell next.

Be wary of the victim story. The 'poor-me' story, the 'why-did-I-have-to-do-it' narrative are not useful here. Too many managers keep bringing up the mess of the past. 

Drudging up the past is not the pathway to the future that will bring about change. Everything that we are most proud of involves coming out the other end of a challenge. The same is true here - even if the situation is still on-going acknowledge the achievement you've made to get to this point. 



The typical hero's journey involves similar themes- a call-to-arms, change of behaviour, before plunging into the pit of despair, a commitment to a transformation, new learnings, and a new future. You can't get to this new place without going through this journey. All the great movies follow this same pattern. 

Both you and the other person have gone through the hero's journey together. Taken the choice of courage to step through the messy and imperfect process. You were asked to 'show-up' and you did. Tell this story, paint the picture of two heroes and the future that lays ahead. 


Narrative is powerful

Regardless of what has happened you get to write the ending of this narrative. Don't allow the victim narrative to infect the work you've done. The narrative you tell from here is powerful - make it work for all parties involved.