it's the platinum rule
Most of us have heard of the golden rule. Treat others like you want to be treated. Good advice.
And there's certainly a few golden rules for having the tough conversations too. But there's a platinum rule. The granddaddy of all rules.
Your job is to change the behaviour, not the person.
To be brutally honest, you don't have the time, skills or qualifications to go deep into their psyche and change them as a person. It's simply too hard.
But changing it —the behaviour— now that's smart. For starters if you create distance between someone and their behaviours, they are much more likely to work on them.
You are not your behaviour
Behaviour. It's simply an external manifestation of our actions. Want proof?
Are you in perfect health? Are you in the perfect relationship? Is your career exceptional? Are you financially free? We're guessing you can't answer in the affirmative for all these. And that's fine. It means your human.
Y'see we all dream big dreams and hold great hopes, but the thing that's required to make those hopes and dreams a reality is behaviour. If you want to lose a few kilos, then eat clean 7 days a week, give up the grog and exercise twice a day. The weight will drop for sure. Similarly, if you make sacrifices to your spending and pile your savings into investments, compounding those gains, inside two decades you'll be financially free.
But again, it requires an integrity of action around your behaviours. And whilst some of us can master this in one or even a couple of areas of our lives, it's much rarer for us to do it in every aspect of our lives.
They are not their behaviour either
Look, we all all stuff up from time to time; miss the cues or have blindspots. But deep down we all carry the same drivers. We want to do a good day's work. So if one of your crew isn't quite up to the mark, let's move away from the futile exercise of questioning their deeper seated beliefs and values. Try instead to just narrow down to the behaviours that need to change. It's where your focus needs to be.
So if you've found yourself questioning their character, values or beliefs, then start by checking your own behaviour. Have you focused enough on the behaviour?
And the cool thing is we're going to show you how to separate the person from their behaviours so they can do just that; change their behaviour.
That's what we're here for, right?