FOLLOW UP 2
TRUST IS BUILT IN THE SMALL BEHAVIOURS
It's asking someone about their weekend; remembering their son's birthday; it's checking if they need any help with a project they are working on.
What are the trust-building behaviours that occur in your team?
What are the trust-building behaviours that you can do more of in this follow-up stage?
Truth is there's a countless number of small acts you can do to build trust.
And there's some absolute deal breakers. We're going to put them front and centre for you in this module, because if you avoid these, you're a long way towards nailing the intent of FOLLOW UP.
1. PRIORITISING OTHER THINGS
So you've committed to meeting next Tuesday at 9.30am to discuss progress, great move. Then guess what; your boss has sprung it on you to go to another, more important meeting. It'll be fine to postpone, right?
Wrong. It's time to push back on your boss. If this was a big bridge that you'd built in the tough conversation, commit to your follow up actions. It'll make a huge difference.
It goes along with the first point perfectly. When you do set your commitment actions, be aware of what's ahead of you and take this into account. If you've got a ridiculous schedule and you commit to a follow up meeting you never really had a chance of delivering on, that's not noble. That's careless.
3. REVISITING THE PAST
Please, please, please don't do this. It's the ancient part of your brain, the Limbic system, that wants to hang onto old baggage, but it just won't help in the longer term. If someone is making an effort, reward that effort —the fastest way you can discourage that effort is to keep dredging up old experiences. Let it go.
4. NOT RESPECTING THE VAULT
If you discuss sensitive stuff; the private details, then keep them to yourself. They aren't for public disclosure anywhere else. You know that, surely?
5. TALKING IN TRIANGLES
This is another biggie. If the issue is with the person, keep it with them and no matter how tempting, keep third parties out of it. It's a slippery slope once a third wheel comes in. That's the first step in how gossip cultures start. If you want to see an end to gossip, there is one helluva game you can play if you choose to do so;
FIRST PERSON FIRST TIME
Shifting out of gossip culture happens when we commit to a concept we refer to as 'first person first time.' This is the commitment that if I've got an issue with someone that the first conversation I have is with that person, first time, every time. Never with anyone else. This removes triangle conversations where misunderstandings can happen quickly.
Sounds super-simple, but it's one of the hardest things you'll ever commit to, trust us. It's only for the brave few.
In our last module we'll explore a simple but effective way to self evaluate your own actions throughout the tough conversations. It's invaluable for your own improvement process...see you in there.
It doesn't get much better than this book to read about how valuable trust is. Stephen MR Covey. It's a must-read;